The Elbow

I have not written in a few days.

I hurts to type.  These words you read now have taken some time to be typed and copied and pasted and uploaded.

I have the worst elbow pain ever.  I haven’t been able to sleep for longer than a a handful of hours in almost a week.

The pain wakes me up and keeps me.  I can’t find a comfortable position to sleep in.

I have bought a body pillow.

I have sandwiched myself between the body pillow and other pillows.  The pain still wakes me up.

The other night I thought I would sleep on the couch.  We have the type of couch that has a built-in chaise side.  Useless.  Well, not totally useless.  I woke up with a new pain in my shoulder/neck.

Ugh.

I hope to find relief soon.

I hope to be able to write soon.  I hope to be able to work soon.

 

The Light from Verona

The rain had stopped falling.  The thunder had stopped.

A few hours before the performance the sky opened up and the moon appeared.  The moon lit the inside of the arena.

Had it not been for the opera the moon would have had center stage.  Just shy of a full moon. It  was all she needed.

She looked up at the moon.  She thought of me.

I read her texts.  Then reread them.

 

It is now time for me to sleep.

The French opera set in Spain and performed in Italy had left her exhausted.  Her lasts words were that she saw the moon.

“I thought of you.”

We have clouds tonight.  Not many.  Enough.

Enough to prevent the moon from being seen.  I check every few minutes.  I pull the kitchen curtains up.

Nothing.

 

I have to go to bed.  Now.

She thought of me.  She looked up at the moon and thought of me.

I need to see that moon.  Her moon.  The Light from Verona.

Putting my clothes in the dryer.  I look outside.  I see a little reflection on the car’s window.

“I thought of you.”

I run outside.

I look up.

The clouds have parted.

 

I think of her.

 

 

Tonight the sky is hers.

Tonight she flies.

Tonight she will look out a window and see the darkness and in the distance maybe the moon.

Tonight she glides over the clouds and over the thunderstorms and sleeps.

Tonight the sky is hers.

Tonight she will toss and turn at 33,000 feet.

Tonight she is a million miles from me.

Tonight.

 

Tonight I stare.

Tonight I will look over and see darkness where she would be.

Tonight I will toss and turn and hear the distant thunderstorms and not sleep.

Tonight the room and the hallway and the kitchen and the bathroom and the yard are empty.

Tonight I toss and turn and not sleep.

Tonight she is a million miles from me.

Tonight.

 

Tomorrow she lands.

Tomorrow she rushes past security and makes her second flight.

Tomorrow she will be where I have been and undoubtedly think of me.

Tomorrow she will look up at the moon and wonder if I see it too.

Tomorrow the bells will ring and she will “ding” along.

Tomorrow she is still a million miles from me.

Tomorrow.

 

Tomorrow I

 

Tomorrow she is still a million miles from me.

 

space

 

The Limiting Power of God

I sustained an injury at work about a month ago.  I thought I was just sore but it turns out I have a certain case of tendonitis.

I have been prescribed physical therapy and have been put on light duty.  The women that work in the Health and Rehab clinic, on-site, are very nice and welcoming.  There is none of that stern look of disbelief that I get from co-workers or others within the organization.  Why not?  They are contract workers.  Anyway, they are nice.

I have had three session of PT (physical therapy) in about a week.

Since it is a large operation there are drop-ins looking for a bandage or an ice pack.  Some come in to work-out on the the weight machines.  There are treadmills and an eliptical as well.  I say this only to lay out the room for you.  It is a medium sized room with a lot of equipment and weights and tables.  Not a lot of privacy.

Last week during one of my PT sessions my therapist was chatting with someone about who knows what.  The therapist ended that conversation with this phrase:

“God will get you through it.  Hang in there.”

I liked this therapist.  She is thorough and well trained in the art of sports therapy.  When those words came out of her mouth…  I was stunned.

Fast forward to today’s session.

As she pressed on certain nerves in my arm/armpit/chest she would identify them.

“This is probably your Radial Nerve. “

“Ah.  This feels like I am in right in the Musculocutaneous Nerve.  Feel that?”

I did.

“Oh boy.  This is hard.  There is a bundle of nerves that meet here.  Sort of like a freeway.  They all seem to meet here and then go there seperate ways.  Only God knows why they do this.”

Huh?

“Only God knows why they do this.”

Yeah.  I heard it too.

I had to bite through my tongue.  I was sure I had punctured it.

“Are you ok?  Did pressing on that nerve hurt?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t want to make it worse.  Let’s work on something else.”

Thank you.

She made it sound like the nerves just jumbled together there.  Like they were stuffed there at the time we were made like stereo wires that get tucked into the door.

“Who cares what they look like inside the door?  No one is going to see them.”

It’s like god got lazy and stuffed the nerves all together in this one spot near my arm pit.

“By the time he notices I will be long gone.”

God's Nest

I am sure the answer is simple.  Hell, I don’t really need an answer.  It is this way because we’ve evolved and at this point this seems to be the best place for these nerves to congregate.  Why?  They are protected by the bones of the arm and shoulder and the thick muscle and fat.  Seems like a good solution to me.  My arm is usually down.  I guess it is to protect all those nerves.

To say that only god knows why they are jumbled like that expresses, rather nicely, how limiting god can be.  Using god as the answer is equal to saying, “I don’t know.”

I’d rather you just say that.  Just say you don’t know.

You might sound smarter.  To me.

To say that you KNOW that god KNOWS why and that is definitive enough is simply NUTS.

I am thankful I live now.  When I can look up the answer.  When I can make a decision based on studying and research and questioning, etc.  Not in a time where the best answer was the easiest answer and the easiest answer was god.  It was always god.

Not any more.

And actually, it never was.  Thankfully.

Here is the nervous system:

NERVE CENTRAL

My guess about the the placement is plausible. Skin, muscles and bone protect where they all meet for a brief moment and then move on to where they need to go.

Cool.

God is limiting.  I don’t like that.

I finally asked her if she thought there might be a scientific answer for “why” the nerves are all bundled like that.

“I don’t know.  I guess god just works how he wants.”

Thanks.

 

 

 

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